Green Eyed Monster
by Narilka
Summary: Disclaimer: Me no own...T.T One-shot, humor. Ichigo hears a disturbing rumor...


"Which one?" Orihime asked holding a stuffed bear in either hand.

Uryu took possession of the bears poring over them with a critical eye. He turned them this way and that before finally setting the brown bear back on the display.

"Definitely this one. The cuteness to durability ratio is higher." Uryu answered returning the black bear.

"Durability ratio?" Orihime echoed perplexed.

"You see these stitches here." He showed her the seams.

"They're really tiny." Orihime said examining the stitches.

"The stitches are harder to tear out making the bear more durable." Uryu explained adjusting his glasses. "The stitches on this bear," he showed her the seams on the brown bear. "are further apart which makes it easier to tear."

"Oh I see." Orihime compared said happily. "So even though they look almost the same this bear is of a better quality and will last much longer."

"Exactly." Uryu nodded affirmatively.

"Sorry I'm late." Uryu called tossing down his schoolbag. "Shopping with Orihime took longer than I expected."

"It's fine." Chad turned the corner of the book to mark his page. "I was able to finish a few chapters."

"Hey Chad!" Rukia waved him over.

Chad made his way over to her side. "Aren't you supposed to be patrolling with Renji?"

"He was recalled." Rukia explained. "I'm actually looking for Orihime. I thought she might like to spar."

"I haven't seen Orihime today." Chad said with a shrug. "You might ask Uryu. They were shopping together earlier."

"They were shopping… together?" Rukia murmured as Chad continued on his way.

"Renji you won't believe this! "Rukia said waving him enthusiastically.

"What are you all excited about?" Renji grumbled.

"Uryu went on a date with Orihime this morning!" Rukia told him impatiently.

"Yeah, yeah…" Renji blinked realizing what she said. "What?!"

"Chad told me that Uryu told him that he was with Orihime all morning." Rukia told him excitedly.

"Did you know that four eyes got a girlfriend?" Renji asked Yumichika conversationally.

"No." Yumichika said surprised. "You're toying with me right?"

"No joke." Renji said easily dodging the lumbering hollow. "They spent the whole morning together."

"I heard that the Quincy is making time with Orihime Inoue." Yumichika told Ikkaku casually.

Ikkaku furrowed his brow. "I thought Ichigo was dating that chick."

"They were alone together for most of the day." Yumichika told him blandly.

"What's put Rukia in such a good mood?" Ichigo grumbled as the giggling soul reaper skipped off to look for Orihime.

"Probably wants to ask Orihime if she's really sleeping with that Quincy." Ikkaku answered flippantly.

"WHAT?!" Ichigo snarled nearly severing Ikkaku's arm.

"Didn't you hear that the Quincy is dating that Inoue girl?" Ikkaku asked instantly regretting it when Ichigo's spiritual pressure skyrocketed.

"Shit." Ikkaku muttered as the substitute soul reaper disappeared.

Orihime blinked feeling confused. Ichigo's spiritual pressure was racing toward her. As far as she could tell there were no hollows around.

"Just who the hell do you think you are?" Ichigo snarled coming to an abrupt halt three feet away from her and radiating menace.

"Who me?" Orihime asked clueless.

"Yes." Ichigo hissed launching himself at her.

"Why are you doing this?" Orihime asked desperately trying to maintain her shield.

"Don't play dumb with me!" Ichigo growled his spiritual pressure flaring even higher. "I know about you and Uryu!"

"What about Uryu?" The aforementioned Quincy asked stepping out from the shadows.

Ichigo swung his sword at the Quincy instead. Uryu dodged easily.

"What has you so ruffled up?" Uryu asked dispassionately still dodging the visored's attacks.

"You know damn well why!" Ichigo slashed at the nimble Quincy. "I know you're sleeping together!"

"What?" Uryu stopped in his tracks. "That's complete nonsense!"

Ichigo barely stopped his sword in time. "Ikkaku told me about your affair."

Uryu slapped him upside the head. "Did it not occur to you that if I were cheating your hollow would know about it?"

Ichigo narrowed his eyes at that. His inner demon had been strangely silent and Zangetsu wasn't giving his all either.

"Why in hell is Ikkaku telling me you're sleeping with Orihime then?" Ichigo demanded.

"How would I know?" Uryu gave him a look. "I went shopping with Orihime this morning to buy Chad a birthday present."

"Ikkaku said-" Ichigo began.

"I don't care what Ikkaku said." Uryu snapped. "You know better than to go off half-cocked every time someone feeds you a load of gossip."

"I don't-" Ichigo tried to protest.

"Ichigo, I have had it up to here with your jealously issues!" Uryu grabbed him by the collar and started dragging him toward town. "We are going to get to the bottom of this if it takes all night!"

"Madarame!" Ikkaku nearly jumped out of his skin at the venom in the Quincy's voice. "What have you been telling my boyfriend?"

Ichigo gave him a sheepish look.

Ikkaku gave him a puzzled look. "Yumichika said you're dating Orihime."

"Then I suggest you get him here and I mean now." Uryu growled.

"I wouldn't have said anything, if I hadn't heard it from Renji." Yumichika shrugged unaffected by the raging Quincy.

"Renji said that?" Ichigo asked incredulously.

"He told me 'four eyes got a girlfriend'." Yumichika said air quoting.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Renji shouted scrambling out of the way.

"Quit squawking and stand still!" Uryu said lining up for another shot.

"Like hell!" Renji cried shielding himself with Zabimaru.

Ichigo watched flabbergasted as the Quincy disarmed the soul reaper and forced him to reveal his source.

"Chad said you spent the whole morning with Orihime!" Rukia grumbled with a pout.

Uryu adjusted his glasses making no attempt to hide his skepticism. "I find it highly improbable Chad went around spreading rumors about Orihime and me."

"But you think I did!" Rukia cried in outrage.

"What's going on?" Chad asked joining them.

"Chad were you spreading rumors about me dating Orihime?" Uryu asked plainly.

"Why would I? You're dating Ichigo." Chad answered in the same sober tone.

"You're two-timing Ichigo with Orihime?" Rukia screeched.

"I'm not two-timing anyone!" Uryu said forcefully. "I am dating Ichigo and ONLY Ichigo!"

"Oh…" Rukia was silent for a few minutes. "Then why were you shopping with Orihime?"

"Chad has a birthday next week." Ichigo told her feeling totally discomfited.

"You realize that Ichigo nearly pulverized Orihime." Uryu asked flatly.

"He did what?!" Rukia gaped at him.

"Ichigo has a jealous streak the size of China." Uryu said in the same toneless inflection.

"I do not." Ichigo muttered without heat.

Chad and Uryu both gave him a skeptical look.

"Just imagine what would happen if Ichigo's inner hollow started to think one of those rumors were true." Uryu said softly.

Rukia's face went completely white. "I didn't mean to, I wasn't …"

Uryu held up a staying hand. "I'm going to let you off with a warning this time, but next time…" Uryu fingered his Quincy cross warningly.

"There's no need for that!" Rukia said waving her hands in dismay. "I didn't know you guys were dating then."

"I would also appreciate it if you didn't spread rumors about my girlfriend." Chad told her amicably.

"What about Ichigo?" Rukia demanded. "He attacked her for crying out loud!"

"I wouldn't hurt her!" Ichigo scowled. "I only aimed for her shield."

"Ichigo doesn't have it in himself to harm his friends." Chad said with a shrug.

"I think we're through here." Ichigo muttered dragging Uryu away before they embarrassed him further.

"Ichigo." Uryu said with a hint of amusement.

"What?" Ichigo sulked.

"You're blushing." Uryu said with a smirk.

"I am not." Ichigo scowled deliberately looking away.

Uryu chuckled. "Oh, of course not, what was I thinking?"

"I know what you're doing and it won't work." Ichigo muttered gruffly.

"Was I doing something?" Uryu asked innocently holding on hand to his chest.

"Don't play dumb." Ichigo huffed facing him. "I'm not in the mood."

"Well…" Uryu slid away from him. "Maybe I'll go see if someone else is 'in the mood.'"

"WHAT?" Ichigo surged to his feet.

Uryu gave him a look. "What were you saying about not having a jealous streak?"

Ichigo glowered at him. "You arrogant, egotistical little-"

"Careful Ichigo." Uryu warned him with a smoldering look. "Keep talking dirty like that and I may have to have my way with you."

"You think so?" Ichigo murmured leaning in close.


End file.
